For years, researchers at the finest scientific institutes around the world have debated whether men really do think with their penises. In a poll, 85% admitted that studying that question was much more fun than "solving the whole global warming thing".
Thinking with the penis has been held responsible for the Cuban Missile Crisis (thinking with missiles), the competitive drinking of tequila shots with women, and the conspiracy behind the entire "Friends with Benefits" scam.
If it’s true that men do think with their penises, then logic dictates men who use Cialis should be smarter than those who don’t because Cialis gives them longer-lasting and firmer erections.
The next logical assumption is that the opportunity to buy Cialis online would help humankind make leaps and bounds in intellectual development simply due to ease of access.
We thought we’d apply this theory to history to see if Cialis could have had this effect on men throughout the ages.
Rome, 1500, the Renaissance. Historians now believe there was, indeed, an ancient Internet, but it was slower and still offered mostly porn. Many people complained to their service providers that Botticelli did too many paintings of Venus standing naked on clamshells. Filters were implemented.
The issue of Cialis vs. Viagra reached its peak with the rivalry between Leonardo da Vinci and Michelangelo. Michelangelo was a fervent supporter of Viagra, but because it only lasts about four hours, he was unable to persuade Leonardo da Vinci of its long-term effectiveness.
After he turned to the Internet to buy Cialis online, da Vinci invented the tank and gave it a test-run through Michelangelo’s studio. In protest, Michelangelo sculpted his first statue of David with an enormous erection pointing towards da Vinci’s second floor apartment downtown.
"Give this to your Mona Lisa, buddy!" Michelangelo shouted. It was at this point that the Vatican intervened.
Da Vinci wrote in his journal, "Yes, there are minor problems of upset stomach and headaches from using Cialis, but a dose usually lasts up to 36 hours. In that time, I’ve invented the hang glider, the machine gun and the helicopter – plus I got laid! What’s that Michelangelo done? Paint a ceiling? Come on!"
Paris, 1885. After getting a chance to buy Cialis online and taking the ED pills, Louis Pasteur has an epiphany. Fortunately, he still has his trousers on.
Just then his assistant, Marie, who knows that Dr. Pasteur always thinks better when she’s in leather, rushes into the room in a black corset and fishnets.
"Marie, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my mind!" confesses Pasteur.
"It must be, Doctor," gushes Marie, throwing herself into his arms. "I’ve never seen you so… so… mentally uplifted! It must be the Cialis!"
As we all know, after several orgasms, Pasteur went on to develop the idea for pasteurization (not his original name for the process).
France, early 1900s. The whole Cialis vs. Viagra battle begun by da Vinci and Michaelangelo would be renewed with the Impressionist painters in 1904 when Edgar Degas said to Picasso, "What the hell’s the matter with you? You got both eyes on the same side of her face!"
Many people believe that the blue water lily paintings done by Claude Monet were the result of his taking online Cialis.
And thanks to the opportunity to buy Cialis online, we now have one of the most famous pieces of correspondence in art history, which recently sold at Christies auction house. This was a note from Paul Gauguin to Vincent Van Gogh after his purchase of Cialis.
"Dear Vincent: I’m off to Tahiti – the babes go topless there. By the way, I packed your ear in ice and put it in the freezer. Shine on, you crazy diamond! – Paul."
Bern, Switzerland, 1903. A young patent clerk, Albert Einstein, discovered he suffers from erectile dysfunction and has trouble reconciling the concepts of particles of light in physics with the notion of simultaneity. This annoys his superiors, who remind him he’s a patent clerk and is supposed to be working on the pet rock.
Einstein places a long-distance call to Alexander Graham Bell and tells him to get off his butt and invent the Internet. Bell is greatly annoyed because he already has taken his Cialis and is having a brainstorm (a thinking-with-the-penis episode that will lead to the fax machine). Bell hangs up and goes back to heavy breathing with his assistant Emily Watson, telling her, "Watson, come quickly! I need you!"
Back in Switzerland, Einstein discovers he can buy Cialis online, does so and creates the equation of E = mc2 .
For the next twenty years, this amazing discovery in physics is absolutely useless except as a pick-up line for post-graduates who say, "Hey baby, want to understand the relationship between time and space? If you’ve got the space, I’ve got the—" Many a beer is poured over heads at the university pub in Bern.
"I am trying to resolve the whole question of Cialis vs. Viagra in terms of the theory of relativity," Einstein explains in 1947 to the esteemed journal, Theoretical Physics and French Ticklers.
"As we all know, thanks to Cialis, the male erection gets higher as it reaches the event horizon and can last for 36 hours. We also know that to buy Cialis online will mean the erection will be faster than the speed of light in the near future."
New York, 2016. Historians researching the era immediately before the election of President George Clooney now believe there was, 
indeed, an Internet, but it was slower and offered mostly porn. By this time erectile dysfunction was no longer a problem associated with illness and heart attack, but did still happen by inadvertently looking at old photos of Courtney Love or from getting a phone call and being told you’re about to be audited. Ability to buy Cialis online is easier than ever.
Conclusion
So after carefully reviewing the history of man and how thinking with the penis has contributed to many advancements throughout the ages (such as corny pick-up lines and weapons of mass destruction), we feel it is safe to conclude that man does indeed think with his penis.
But we’ve had to shelf the hypothesis about "leaps and bounds of intellectual development as a result of Cialis" due to insufficient evidence.
