Part I: Jenny and Mark Get Hot… And Suddenly Cold
Jenny’s first brush with erectile dysfunction knocked her whole life off balance. It all happened about 5 years ago. It took her that long to open up and tell me, her best friend, what had happened that August and September with Mark.
She was 23 and he was 26 when they met. They hit it off right away. Things moved pretty fast even though Jenny always told me she would never date a guy she met in a bar. On their second date, they went out for dinner, drank a Pinot Noir, and wound up snuggling under the sheets in Jenny’s one-bedroom apartment.
Things were getting hot and heavy. Mark was really aroused and so was Jenny. The last thing on her mind was erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation or any other kind of sexual problem. Then Mark was inside her and they were moving together and it was good.
And then suddenly it was over. Mark rolled away and lay there for a few minutes. Jenny stared up at the ceiling. What had just happened?
Jenny’s a great girl, I love her like a sister, but she’s a little insecure. So she blamed herself for Mark suddenly running cold. And because she had always believed people can communicate their way out of any problem, even erectile dysfunction, she insisted Mark talk about it.
‘Sweetie? What happened? Did I do something wrong or…? Don’t I turn you on? Has this ever happened before?’
Mark pulled on his jeans and muttered something about how talking about it too much will just make it worse. ‘Talking about what?’ she thought to herself. ‘I don’t even know what it is.’
Jenny and Mark had a few more dates but things fizzled out fast. The more she tried to fix things, the more remote he became. Mark eventually stopped calling and Jenny was heart broken. She went into a slump and stopped dating for about 6 months. I was out of the country at the time and never learned the reasons for their split up until recently.
When she finally told me, I asked her, ‘Jenny didn’t you ever talk to Mark about erectile dysfunction? Did you ever discuss things like ‘premature ejaculation’ and what causes it?
‘No, of course not. At that time, I didn’t even know what that was. And even if I had, Mark was so sensitive about the subject, he refused to open up. He kept saying the problem would get worse if we focused on it too much.’
She stopped to think a moment. ‘You know, I would have been cool with him having ED. I liked him that much. We could have worked it out, maybe got treatment or counselling or something. But I never knew if he had impotence or erectile dysfunction or whatever. I was just really hurt because I thought it was my fault.’
‘Yeah, but Jen,’ I said quickly, ‘You know now that it wasn’t you, right? The guy obviously had this problem before you came into his life. And he just didn’t have the cojones to deal with it straight up. I mean, a real man would have faced it head on and got treatment, right?’
‘I don’t know… I’ve never been able to figure out what goes on in guys’ heads. I just know that ED scares the pants off them, so to speak. And erectile dysfunction for a young guy like Mark is a fate worse than death. That’s all I know.’
‘Well, it probably wasn’t ED. More like PE… premature ejaculation. Just my opinion.’
Jenny got a quizzical look on her face. ‘Hey… how do you know so much about ED and PE? Come on, dish. I promise I won’t tell Keith,’ she smirked.
Part II: How Jenny Learned The Difference Between Premature Ejaculation and Erectile Dysfunction
So now it was time for me to confess a secret I had never told Jenny, my mom, or anyone. Keith, my husband, prematurely ejaculated on a regular basis for the first 2 years of our sexual relationship. And it was rough on both of us.
‘All I can say, Jen, is thank God for Google!’ I laughed.
‘What? A search engine cured him?’
‘Well, in a way, yes. I started doing some research online about premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. I knew there was no way Keith would talk to his doctor or even his buddies about it. He wouldn’t go to a doctor if he was bleeding to death, you know how guys are,’ I rolled my eyes.
We can laugh about it now, but at the time both of us were really stressed out about it. Doing some research into ED and PE gave me a lot of relief because all the sites I visited said the same thing: that premature ejaculation is a very common kind of sexual dysfunction. And that it can occur at the same time as erectile dysfunction but not necessarily… they are two very different problems.
And the best news was that there are lots of things a couple can do about it. There are medicines, counselling, and my personal favorite: sexual tricks and techniques to slow down my big fella.
‘So you and Keith are doing okay now?’ Jenny asked.
‘Better than ever,’ I said. ‘It was an article I read on Web MD that changed everything. It was all about how some men with premature ejaculation used Viagra and it helped them to stay hard longer, even though Viagra is really meant for erectile dysfunction. But in some men, it works for PE, too.’
Part III: PE And The Viagra Connection
Doctors who conducted the study aren’t sure why it worked – it could be a physical effect of the Viagra on the body’s chemistry or it could be psychological – taking the Viagra gives the man confidence and keeps him erect longer so his ejaculation is delayed.
‘Anyway,’ I told Jenny, ‘Viagra worked for the men in the study, so that was all the ammunition I needed to persuade Keith to try it. He got his hands on some Viagra pills, we tried it, and by the third time, Keith was lasting at least twice as long as he used to. And now he comes back for seconds, which is when I get to have my fun!’
Jenny pondered all this for a moment. ‘Huh,’ she said. ‘So what happened with Mark and me – that really wasn’t my fault?’
‘Nope. And if it ever happens again with another guy, you’ll know exactly what to do about it, right?’
‘Of course,’ she laughed. ‘I’ll Google it!’
Do you or your partner suffer from erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation? Here are some informational resources on both subjects:
ED:
Erectile Dysfunction Article Library
Wikipedia on Erectile Dysfunction
PE:
Web MD Report: Viagra and Premature Ejaculation
Web MD Interview with Urologist: Premature Ejaculation: Breaking the Silence
