Three women sat together at an outdoor café, enjoying the afternoon sun, each other’s company and a casual lunch. Maggie, at 49, was the eldest of the three by a few years, and she was distracted by something she was reading in a magazine she had picked up on the way to meet her friends.
She found herself fixated on an advertisement for an erectile dysfunction treatment. Maggie closed the magazine abruptly and let out a barely-audible laugh.
"What’s that you were looking at?" asked Mira, her lips curling into a curious smile. "And what’s so funny?"
"Believe it or not, it’s an ad for an erectile dysfunction drug," answered Maggie. "And what’s funny, if you must know, is that I was actually reading it, wondering if it could help Rob and me. Never in a million years would I have thought he might need treatment for erectile dysfunction."
This got the attention of Julie, who until now was more focused on the young waiters and busboys scooting about from table to table. Julie was the youngest of the three women, divorced not too long ago and testing the waters of being single again, especially now that her daughter was away at college.
"Erectile dysfunction? Really? I had no idea you guys were having trouble in that department," said Julie.
"Well," replied Maggie, "Rob’s been so busy with work, he’s stressed out and it’s just been really hard for the past few months." She quickly realized what she had said, and corrected herself with a chuckle. "It hasn’t been really hard… that’s the trouble."
Mira smiled and said, "You should count yourself lucky. I could use a little erectile dysfunction in my life right about now. Between my work at the institute and being the kids’ social secretary and chauffeur, I’ve got little left over at the end of the day. Honestly, I don’t use the names of the days of the week anymore. I wake up saying, ‘What’s today, soccer, karate or yearbook?’ A little ED or something to slow Raj down at night wouldn’t be the worst thing."
"Are you kidding me?!" Maggie shouted, hardly believing what she had just heard. "That’s so insensitive of you! Erectile dysfunction is a real problem that can really damage a relationship, and right now it’s hurting mine."
Mira saw now that this was no joking matter and tried to redeem herself. "I’m really sorry, sweetie. I know erectile dysfunction is real. I just didn’t realize it was that bad with you guys…"
Maggie took her fork and speared a pale, somewhat soggy piece of baby corn, lying limp and uneaten on her salad plate. She held it up, as if displaying a piece of evidence. "See this?" she asked, arching her eyebrow.
Julie burst out laughing. "Oh honey, I can’t believe it! For a minute there I thought you were going to show us that carrot," she said, pointing to Maggie’s salad.
Maggie bit into the baby corn dramatically. "Believe me, I wish that were the case," she said.
"Well, if it’s any consolation, I know how you feel," Julie offered.
"What do you know?" Mira asked. "You’ve been seeing that pool boy of yours, or gardener, or whatever he is, for the past three months. He’s barely 30, I doubt whether he can even spell erectile dysfunction."
Julie sat up and put on her best just-been-slighted expression. "Jeff happens to be my landscape architect, and he can too spell erectile dysfunction. But if what you meant is that he doesn’t suffer from erectile dysfunction, you’re right."
"Then," probed Mira, "what do you mean when you say you know how Maggie feels?"
"Look," Julie replied, "despite what you guys may think, being a single woman, especially at my age, is not what it’s cracked up to be. Jeff or no Jeff, erectile dysfunction or no erectile dysfunction, a woman has needs, and it’s not always so easy to satisfy them. That’s all."
Mira turned her attention back to Maggie, who by now was poking idly at a few stray chickpeas on her plate. "You know Maggie, Rob should probably see his doctor about this. I’ve heard that erectile dysfunction is sometimes a sign of some other physical problem. It would be a good idea to rule out other causes. Then the two of you can figure out what sort of treatment to look into."
Maggie looked up from her salad with a crest-fallen expression. "Treatment? Rob’s only 51. Don’t you think he’s too young to need treatment for erectile dysfunction? This is so depressing."
"Honey," said Mira, "There are plenty of things that are a whole lot worse than erectile dysfunction, you know. I mean, most of the time, it’s highly treatable. Maybe all he needs is a little blue pill…"
"You mean…Vi…Viagra?"
Continued. Read Part II of ED Blues here.
