Summary: The human erection has seen its share of ups and downs through the history of the species, from the orgies of Rome to the repression of the Middle Ages to the Viagra Revolution. Sit back, grab a bucket of popcorn and read this entertaining story of how it all began.
by: Josh Thiele
- Part I – Prehistory to Ancient India
- Part II – Greco Roman
- Part III – The Middle Ages
- Part IV – The Erectile Revolution
Ever since a few cells divided up and decided that one was going to watch the game on Sunday while the other one shopped for shoes, males have defined their virility by the same criteria. And while the cut of one’s jib is most certainly an important criteria, we all know that a stout and hearty erection is what humans of all genders put at the top of the list as that one thing that, above all others, makes the man.
We Americans like to think ourselves as culturally evolved, but when it comes to sex–and the erection in particular–we are more repressed even than cultures which existed thousands of years ago. We still titter when someone refers to a mistake as a "boner," yet to the Mesopotamians, a public sighting of a phallus was an everyday occurrence and nothing to be tittered about.
Figure 1: A rare depiction of humans in a Neolithic cave painting. The figure on the left is saying to the figure on the right, "Is that a sabretooth tiger tusk in your loincloth?"
It’s hard to know what the earliest humans thought of sex and genitals and all that fun stuff. Cave paintings from prehistoric times usually don’t depict human figures. Some believe this to be a religious taboo, but there is a growing belief that primitive caveman’s significant other took one too many jawbones of an ass to the head for making drawings that made cavewoman look too fat.
We first start hearing about sex from ancient Indian texts written as far back as 1400 BC. In the ancient Vedas, we see attitudes about nookie that could be considered more progressive than contemporary American society. For example, husbands were expected to actually please their wives. Hint for the guys: If your house has a copy of the Vedas, hide it in the cover of a sports almanac or something else you know she’ll never bother to take off the shelf. Dharma’s a bitch, and you want to keep her out of your bedroom.
Figure 2: Those ancients are ruining it for the rest of us.
To the ancient Indians, the erection wasn’t a sign of virility on its own; you not only had to have something to show, you also had to perform and perform well. Statuary of the time frequently depicts stiffies and acrobatic erotic acts. If you’re one of those dudes who breaks out in a sweat just trying to pass the three minute mark, just be glad she’s not demanding you maintain an erection while standing on your head and supporting her weight on your ass! Thanks a lot, ancient Indians, for setting a standard us guys could never meet. Except for Sting, but we all know he’s just making it all up.
